Friday, 20 July 2012

Siblings without rivalry

The complete title of this book is Siblings without Rivalry - How to help your children live together so you can live too., I've reading this book by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish and as I'm about to finish, I want to keep and remember the important points I learned. The skills parents need to maintain harmony, peace and love among their children. When a family establishes this kind of relationship among the children, it will have a domino effect on others and eventually in the world we live in. I hope every parent who read the book applies what he learns and contribute to the world peace we need.

Bulliyng - Bullies and victims of bullying are created from home so we should be cognizant of how our children act with their siblings.
For the bully
1. Instead of the parent treating the child as a bully, He can help him see that he is capable of being evil.
2. when the other siblings treat him as a bully, the parents can give the siblings a new view of their brother.
3. When the child sees himself as a bully, the parent can help him see his capacity for kindness.
For the victim
1. Instead of the parent treating the child as a victim (kakampihan), the parent can show her how to stand up for herself.
2. When the other siblings treat her as a victim, the parents can give the siblings a new view of herself.
3. When the child sees herself as a victim, the parent can help her see her potential strength.

When children fight - here are the steps how to intervene helpfully:
1. Start by acknowledging the children's anger towards each other. That alone should help calm them.
2. Listen to each child's side with respect.
3. Describe the problem with respect.
4. Express faith in their ability to work out a mutually agreeable solution.
5. Leave the room.

When the fighting is heading towards hurting:
1. Describe what's happening. Example I see one boy on a chair about to throw a truck.
2. Establish limits. Example This is a dangerous situation.
3. Separate them.

Children should have the freedom to resolve their own differences. Children are also entitled to adult intervention when necessary. If one child is being abused by the other, either physically or verbally, we've Got to step in. If there's a problem that keeps coming up tha hasn't yield to their solution, we've got to step in.

Helping children resolve a difficult conflict:
1. Call a meeting
2. Explain the ground rules for everyone.
3. Write down each child's feelings and concerns.
4. Allow each child time for rebuttal.
5. Invite everyone to suggest as many solutions as possible. Write down all ideas without evaluating. Let the kids go first.
6. Decide upon the solutions you can all live with.
7. Follow up.

More ways to encourage good feelings between siblings:
1. Make sure that each child gets some time alone with you several times a week.
2. When spending time with one child, don't talk about the other.
3. Don't withhold your affection or attention from your favorite child to make it up to a less favored child.
4. Don't lock the children into their position in the family order - oldest, middle, youngest. Allow each child the opportunity to experience some of the privileges and responsibilities of the other.
5. Let each child know what it is about him that his siblings like or admire
6. Schedule family meetings.

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