Death on the other hand is an avoided subject. No one wants to talk about it or even prepare for it. I just realized that it's about time that I write all the thoughts that I have been setting aside because we need to be ready as death comes like a thief in the night.
Today, my sister Wendy told me a story about how her husband witnessed a car accident and how the victim's last minutes in life were spent in Carter's arms. Carter responded and gave the victim CPR to save his life until the ambulance arrived but it was not successful. He died. Wendy and I wondered about how that morning went before the accident happened, has that man spent his morning with the wife and children? Did they have a good breakfast or good conversations? Were they happy? Did they kiss the dad goodbye before they parted ways? Were the memories about his life during those last minutes all good, positive and fulfilling? What if they are not? What about you? Do you want to die in bitterness, pain or regrets?
Life is too short and it could end anytime. We are all going to die anyway so why don't we live life as if it is our last days - all positive, no regrets. What do you want to be remembered while you are here on this earth? I remember a manager officemate and our odd moments together. One time, she saw me and my other friend who is her direct report in a small cafe that only a few people know, only the managers frequent. When she saw me and her staff, she asked “What are you two doing here?” with the look that says only ”Managers” are allowed to eat here. Dumbfounded, we stood there waiting until another manager said,”they have the money, they can eat here, so let’s go.” The first manager had a sudden death and while most of the staff were sad of her dying, I was sad in another way because she died with my last memory of her as condescending to Marlyn and me. Do you want to be remembered like that manager? Be joyful, hopeful, loving and forgiving, kind and helpful. No room for negative thoughts, no mumbling, complaints, worries, fear, anger or pride. Just live happily and at peace with our Creator. We will all come to see HIM in judgement day anyway.
Now, if you are a planner and want to prepare before that time comes, here are some ways to give you that peace of mind and also your loved ones even if you leave:
1. Purchase a life insurance - term or not, find out about your options from your insurance broker. It is important to indicate the beneficiaries so they will not have financial problems when you leave.
2. Purchase a service that will take care of everything - viewing, casket (style, colour) funeral, cremation, cemetery, church, eulogy? etc. You don't want to leave your family the trouble of deciding about all these while they are also grieving. The cost of these services are also more expensive when you need it right away compared to pre-planned and pre-paid or lay-away.
3. Make a will. What do you want your loved ones to do when you get sick, when you are in a coma, when you get into an accident? Do you want to donate organs? Do you want to be resuscitated? Do you want them to pull the plug of the life support machines? Until when do they need to wait for you to wake up? Who decides? Who will be the custodian of your children? There are decisions to be made and it will be easier for the family to cope if these decisions are already stated in the will.
It is important that your assets and properties are indicated in a will so that your family will not fight over those assets later on or worse, go to an estate. My friend gave me an example of what's in her will. She took photos of all her jewelries and asked her children to choose which one they would like to have when she dies. The outcome of the exercise are indicated in her will. Now she will not worry who will get more or less because the children are the ones who chose. The same should be applied to cars, real estate properties, investments/stocks, companies. Well, more valuable assets need to be assessed and financial values / equal distribution need to be considered.
It is important that your assets and properties are indicated in a will so that your family will not fight over those assets later on or worse, go to an estate. My friend gave me an example of what's in her will. She took photos of all her jewelries and asked her children to choose which one they would like to have when she dies. The outcome of the exercise are indicated in her will. Now she will not worry who will get more or less because the children are the ones who chose. The same should be applied to cars, real estate properties, investments/stocks, companies. Well, more valuable assets need to be assessed and financial values / equal distribution need to be considered.
4. Write letters to your loved ones. While most of those who are left behind will get over the loss and move on, there are a significant number especially children/teenagers who are greatly impacted and will have difficult time recovering. Tell them your deepest thoughts in the letter and prepare them to be strong to face the situation. Words of hope and reminders of great memories will help them move on. Make birthday letters especially milestones so that they will still have your influence and memories when they turn 10's,20's,30's, etc. This is a perfect opportunity to remind them about seeking God's wisdom in making major decisions like a career, a ministry or lifetime partner, purchasing a property etc. It will be nice for them to remember or think about "What would ___ do if still alive?"
5. "Proverbs 22:6 -
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.." The perfect legacy that a parent can give to their children is showing and teaching them the way they should go. Good habits, Christian elements like going to church, reading the bible and praying are essential. They will continue doing it if it has become a natural habit. Being responsible and holding them accountable is not only taught but also shown. You prepare them and make them experience the joys and pains of doing manual work themselves and not depending on someone. You can start training them with household chores, doing menial jobs. A boy doing a girl's thing like budgeting, marketing, cooking, laundry is challenging but also rewarding. These chores are life's essentials. The earlier they learn and do all these, the earlier they become more independent and the less pain to experience when you are gone. They also add value to their community. You don’t want the children to be a burden to others, they need to learn how to survive and move on.
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.." The perfect legacy that a parent can give to their children is showing and teaching them the way they should go. Good habits, Christian elements like going to church, reading the bible and praying are essential. They will continue doing it if it has become a natural habit. Being responsible and holding them accountable is not only taught but also shown. You prepare them and make them experience the joys and pains of doing manual work themselves and not depending on someone. You can start training them with household chores, doing menial jobs. A boy doing a girl's thing like budgeting, marketing, cooking, laundry is challenging but also rewarding. These chores are life's essentials. The earlier they learn and do all these, the earlier they become more independent and the less pain to experience when you are gone. They also add value to their community. You don’t want the children to be a burden to others, they need to learn how to survive and move on.
6. Make memories. Travel, enjoy doing things together. The pictures that show where you've been and the special memories from that place will remind them about how you spent your time with them. It could be the many falls you experience during the first ski trip, or completing the scavenger hunt on a mountain hike or it could be a simple memory of playing a game board or a movie marathon watching together. The laughters will echo and will surely bring back the happy times.
7. Express your affection. Do not cease saying "I love you" "I'm sorry", "Thank you, I appreciate you". Do not be embarrassed to show your affection even in public - kiss, hug, hold their hands or just look lovingly in their eyes - smile. Those moments are what you surely want to be captured in your memory and want to play back over and over again until your last breath.
8. Get ready to face death and surrender your life to The Creator. The most important preparation- settle everything with The Lord now while you can. Do you know that God formed us from dust and gave us life by breathing into it? He gave us life and can take it back anytime. But it doesn't end there. He loved us so much that He gave us His Son - Jesus. His promise is whoever believed in the Son will have everlasting life. The life here on earth is temporary. If we experience God here, it will be easier to face death because we know that we will see Him face to face. We have settled our life and all its issues with Him while on earth that we can smile and assured of an everlasting life after.
If you haven't yet, please surrender your life to The Saviour. Jesus is the only Way, the Truth and the Life.
Life is short. Celebrate it.
